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A rapist, a paedophile and a Priest walk into a bar. And that's just the first guy.

Q: Why didn't Heisenberg have a good sex life?
A: Because when he had the time he didn't have the energy, and when he had the energy he didn't have the time.

A woman goes to the Doctor with bruises on her face. The Doctor asks: "What happened?" 

The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk, he slaps me around."

"I have a real good cure for that." says the Doctor:

An atom turns to his mate in the bar and says, "I think I've lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm positive!"

Best friends graduated from medical school at the same time and decided that, in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice together to share office space and personnel. Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist; they put up a sign that read:

"Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors".