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Three surgeons discuss who makes the best patient to operate on. Says the first: "Electricians are the easiest to operate on, everything inside is colour-coded." The second surgeon says: "No, I think librarians are the easiest, since everything inside is in alphabetically order." The third surgeon shut them up when he said: "Lawyers are the easiest to operate on. There are no guts, no heart, no brain, no spine. Plus, the head and butt are interchangeable!" 

A rapist, a paedophile and a Priest walk into a bar. And that's just the first guy.

An atom turns to his mate in the bar and says, "I think I've lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm positive!"

Q: Why didn't Heisenberg have a good sex life?
A: Because when he had the time he didn't have the energy, and when he had the energy he didn't have the time.

A woman goes to the Doctor with bruises on her face. The Doctor asks: "What happened?" 

The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk, he slaps me around."

"I have a real good cure for that." says the Doctor: