A not-so-long time ago,


a glib salesman told a vain and gullible executive at a big corporation to buy a certain operating system. It was a bollocks O/S, but by the time the operating system was eventually delivered and determined to be said bollocks O/S, the executive had fled to another big corporation for more money, whereupon he re-offended, was renumerated and fled, ad nauseum.


The not-very-clever replacement executive at the big corporation now needed a database management system (RDBMS) to run on said bollocks O/S. Enter another glib salesman, who sold him one that came bundled with lots of wonderful things, such as SSIS 2005 and Visual Studio. Both the RDBMS and SSIS were soon also discovered to be bollocks - after all, they can only run on said bollocks O/S. Our nice executive in his wrinklefree shirt, alas, was not clever enough to leave in good time to reap the rewards of the corporate walkaout and instead persisted to get SSIS to do as it said on the tin. I was hired to fix the mess with my band of merry software knights in armour. Things got better until I turned my back for a second and everything fell apart (see my article on how easy it is to BSOD the entire O/S with SSIS): Indeed, a wicked witch had cast evil spells on the blade server that was locked in Rapunzel's tower in a data centre in London Docklands and protected it with an impenetrable, thorned hedge of firewall policies. The not-so-clever executive got upset and blamed me for all the ills of the world and vowed that I should not marry his daughter (she was ugly and I already own a wife) nor inherit his kingdom (its share-price was at an all-time low, so no thanks). I invoiced him for my services and left with my band of merry software knights.


The story ends thus: The the not-so-clever executive's boss fired him and he now farms sheep in the Australian Outback.


The moral of the story is this: As an expert in SSIS, executives of  big corporations hire me to delay the onset of their sheep farming careers.