Where do pirates buy their hooks from?
From the second-hand store.
(They get the rest of their stuff from Arrrghos. Drumroll...)
A physician, an engineer, and an attorney were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented.
The physician said, "Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession."
The engineer replied, "But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine."
Then, the lawyer spoke up. "Yes," he said, "But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?"
Why did the band never get a gig?
They were called "1023MB".
Blonde walks into a doctor's office and says: "Doctor, what’s the problem with me? When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts... When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my chest, ouch! It really hurts!"
The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
Being a child of the 80s, we not only had the best music ever, but we also spent our pre-teens in the '70s watching Chuck Norris movies. Spoiler: The good guy always wins, no matter how bad the acting is. So much so, that Chuck Norris acquired cult status for his apparent invincibility and Christ-like infallibility, his ging-ger mullet hairstyle, his downhill-Volkswagen-Beetle physiognomy, his same-ish martial arts moves, and his dreadful acting. But we thought the movies were awesome back then.
Still, you can't be a celeb without being the butt of a few jokes, and a whole new formula of jokes was born around Chuck Norris. Here are some of the good jokes:
Mein Großvater hat immer zu mir gesagt: "Junge, gehe nicht ins Bordell, da gibt es Dinge, die du nicht sehen solltest."
Natürlich bin ich aus Neugier dann doch mal hingegangen.
Und was hast du gesehen?
A SQL Query walks into a bar and goes up to two tables and asks: "Can I join you?"
1. Humans shall make no law respecting an establishment of boundaries or prohibiting the free exercise therein, or abridging the freedom of access, or the right to peaceful assembly.
In other words:
The cat is entitled to go outside any time s/he wants.
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